Attempt
by Snowflower55
Summary: Even Russia can't help but feel guilty every now and then. A look into one of Russia's darker moments.


"Please...Just let me rest." a tall man with silvery-white hair begged as he sat on his knees, a disillusioned expression on his face. "I'm tired of hurting others...I'm tired of living. Just let me have some peace for once..."

'You think death will solve everything, don't you? That you can just shoot yourself and it's all done with?' an omnipresent voice inquired.

"Everyone will be better off without me..." the man replied. "I don't want to burden them any longer." The voice laughed.

'Since when did you care about how they feel? All your life, you've squashed others that are weaker and smaller than you.' the voice paused. 'Admit it, Ivan. You exist solely to bring misery to others.' the voice said.

"I know." Ivan said, tears sliding down his face. "That's why I want to end it. To end this pitiful existence I call life." he said, reaching down to the marble floor to search for something. "If I was gone...The world would be a better place. If I was meant to just bring pain to it..." he said, finding the object he was looking for and taking it in his hand. "Then I shouldn't have a place in it." he looked down at the hand that grasped the thing and began to adjust it. "I can't do anything other than that. I can't bring peace or happiness, I can't even be good to the people I love..." he said, quivering. "So what's the point?" a sharp 'click' rung throughout the room, and Ivan raised the pistol to his forehead. "This is it..." he said, beginning to pull the trigger. "I'll never hurt anyone again..." he said, nearly hysterical. His hand began to shake as the trigger was pushed farther and farther back. "Goodbye..." he said.

But, as if it were a sign sent from God, the door behind Ivan cracked open and splendid, golden light poured in through that tiny crack. Ivan turned to see two figures looking through the door, horrified at the view.

"Ivan!" the taller figure said worriedly, and ran into the room. Ivan put the pistol down and starred at the floor. "Ivan, what were you about to do?" she asked, though she already knew the answer. Ivan remained silent, too ashamed of his sisters having to see him in this condition.

"Katyusha..." he said quietly. She bent down on her knees and looked him in the eyes. He very briefly looked at her, and saw that her eyes were bloodshot and overflowing with tears.

"Ivan, what were you going to do?" Katyusha asked as she embraced him. The youngest of the siblings, Natalia, with her head down and her bangs covering her eyes walked over to her siblings and bent down. She wrapped her arms around Ivan's shoulders and hugged him firmly.

"Ivan, I'm so sorry!" Katyusha said. "We...I...How could I have let this happen? You needed me, and I wasn't there for you!" she said, sobbing loudly. "Oh, Ivan!" she buried her face in his shoulder. "I'm so sorry..." she said before she sobbed again. Natalia let out a small whimper, and Ivan looked over to see tear stains on his coat where she had rested her head.

Ivan was overwhelmed, to say the least. After everything he had done...How could they still care for him?

"What if we had come a few seconds later?" Katyusha said. "You'd be dead! I don't…I couldn't handle that!" she said. "My little brother…Dead!" she said, hugging him tighter.

It had been a long time since Ivan had really talked to his sisters, especially like this. It wasn't at all that he didn't love them, but…Their relationships had been strained, especially since Natalia and Katyusha had left his home and become their own nations. He didn't think they'd be happy to see him gone, but…He thought it would've benefited them somehow. But seeing them like this…He couldn't help but wonder what would've happened if he had pulled the trigger. What kind of affect would that have had on them?

'Why am I such a monster?...' he thought. 'Even in death, I'd cause them sorrow…I'll never change, will I?'

He smiled in a melancholy way and hugged Katyusha.

"Katyusha, Natalia…Please don't cry." He said. They both looked up at him. "I'm sorry I made you cry…I guess that's what I do best." He said. "I just…I got emotional. I'm sorry…But you don't have to worry…I'll never kill myself." He said. Katyusha wiped the tears from her eyes.

"You…I…I was so scarred I'd lose you…" she said.

"Promise?" Natalia asked quietly. Ivan silently contemplated this. If he continued on, he'd just keep hurting everyone. But, if he ended it here and now, then he'd be hurting his sisters.

'No matter what I do, I'll ultimately hurt someone.' He thought. But looking at his sister's sad faces, he couldn't bear to go through with it. It wouldn't have been fair to them.

"Promise." He said, smiling.


End file.
